One of the main reasons we bought Kinect yesterday was for Dance Central – having watched a good few people play on it at a friend’s house a while back, I was really impressed. My previous experience of dancing in games was a minigame for something on the Wii (I forget which game), and it was awful – hardly surprising since the Wii controller is hand-held and has no way of tracking your legs.

I knew my girlfriend would like it, but I even managed convinced myself I’d play on it occasionally – this dancing lark looks piss easy with a bit of practice. Unfortunately, when I tried it before – with very little success – it wasn’t just the alcohol that was hindering my performance, it turns out the deciding factor was actually my major lack of coordination.

I’ve played both guitar and bass in a band before – I even sung** while playing bass – so I like to think I have a decent sense of rhythm, but it seems that it’s now two games developed by Harmonix that have decided I’m incapable of sending the right signals from my brain to the desired limb(s). Previously, the Rock Band games have absolutely smashed my hopes of using both arms and legs at the same time in a reasonable fashion.

I also tend to have quite a logical thought process – if something looks slightly complex I often break it down into chunks that I can grasp easier and work at them, and it works for me most of the time. This process doesn’t seem to work when the problem is performing a dance move though. I caught sight of myself trying – and failing miserably – to perform a dance move earlier, and it looked like I was falling down in slow motion – that wasn’t what I was aiming for. It reminded me of playing football; I’m a very one-footed footballer, but I like to think I have a good technique, especially with long passes or crossing. But again, whenever I use my left foot, that same technique somehow gets translated from, “lean back a little and strike just under the ball” to “Yarghhhh, swingy foot hit ball! LOL”. Stupid body.

We used to have a good relationship, games. What the hell did I do to hurt you?! I hate dancing anyway, what the fuck is wrong with me. Leave me alone.

* Or lack thereof.

** It was singing in the loosest sense of the word. Also shit. Very, very shit.

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