In recent years a lot of my friends have decided fancy dress is the way forward for their parties – there was the Zombie-themed New Year’s Eve and the Lady Gaga housewarming, and I believe there was a superhero theme a while back – so after some discussion (lasting about 4 minutes, with one, maybe two, other suggestions) we decided to have a pirate theme for my birthday.

My girlfriend hasn’t been able to get out of working today, so I’ve had to set up a lot of the stuff she’s brilliantly organised, and it occurred to me while putting the pirate flag cocktail sticks into the cocktails sausages that, to the casual observer, this looks like an adult setting up a party for a kid that happens to love pirates. That kid happens to be 27 years old, and he’s not even that keen on pirates. I closed the curtains after that.

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